I used to thrive on business and productivity. That Puritanical work ethic. The saying,”Idle hands are the devil’s plaything.” I love checking things off my to do lists. There were too many things I wanted to do, and not enough time in the day for doing them.
Then I saw a different way. In Bangladesh (there’s no other way to say it) life was slower. We weren’t busy all the time. And strangely I had more time. I was able to say more dua, say more prayers, read more Quran. And we had time just to sit, for no other purpose than to sit. When we returned to the States, I wanted to preserve that, to slow down my life because it’s easy to see that you can do more and feel more relaxed when life passes slower.
Then along came Baby, and everything changed again. Regardless of what I may hope to accomplish in a day, I spend most of my time walking Baby around, singing the same monotonous songs, trying to keep Baby happy and quiet so my husband can sleep. Some days I can’t even get the dishes done. I often have no time to work on anything of studying or writing until after Baby is to bed, and even then, I have no guarantees that she will not need me, that I won’t be called away to tend to her. Nothing measurable is being accomplished, certainly nothing I can check off a to do list.
I’m investing in this child, but she won’t be an accomplishment. I cannot mold her. All I can do is pour my love into her, and watch her blossom, inshallah, into whatever it is that she will be.